How to Become a CEO (or even President of The United States)

(See Comic)Eight Simple Steps It isn’t what you know, it is who you know. So, you want to be friendly and likable. You want to spend time doing social things like having drinks with people instead of things like reading books. I feel your pain Your high position in life already exists. You might already have connections or might have to make connections. Either way, those connections will direct you to your position. You certainly aren’t going to build your high position for yourself by starting your own successful company. You aren’t smart enough or a hard enough worker for that.Getting to your position means climbing a ladder. Go with the flow. Don’t rock the boat. You want people to see you as an ally, not a threat. Here is where the fact that you don’t have a single original thought in your head will be very helpful.As you climb higher in rank, get rid of subordinates that threaten you with their superior competence.Eventually you’ll become assistant to the existing CEO. The existing CEO made his way to the top the same way as you. And he likes you because you are likable yet dumber than him--just as he was likable yet dumber than the CEO he replaced. The time will come for the board of directors to vote in the new CEO. The board is fairly detached from the company’s success. They just want a guy in command that will pay them well. They won’t ever call you on your incompetence as long as you treat them well. They are themselves where they are because they know how to go with the flow—even when it’s down the drain. King Idiot board of idiots shareholders So finally, you are the CEO. And due to the way you got there, you are now king idiot of a hierarchy of idiots that is progressively more idiotic than the previous hierarchy of idiots. The company was originally built by competent people. But each change in leadership means a progressively more incompetent organization. Without a resurgence of competence coming from some outside influence, the organization is on its way to its demise.Oh the Insanity! So, as long as you allow yourself to be unimpeded by any dissenting competence, you can now proceed to run the company into the ground. It will be fun because while the company collapses you’ll be flying around doing things like playing expensive rounds of golf.Business, make money This guide is based in part on the observations of American billionaire financier, corporate raider, and private equity investor Carl Icahn