How to Get and Stay Depressed

(See Comic) In this guide you will learn how to get and stay depressed. If you want to be happy though, then I suggest you do the opposite of what this guide suggests. Most depressed people are depressed simply because they spend an insane amount of time entertaining depressing thoughts. And they in turn make themselves vulnerable to depressing thoughts through their actions and philosophies. What constitutes depressing thoughts varies from person to person, but in general, depressing thoughts involve guilt, loss, separation, futility, and a general belief in death. Belief in death is in fact the main prerequisite for depression. Death says, I am little, temporary, and vulnerable…I must kill or be killed. And this makes life very urgent and desperate or pointless and futile. It makes loss real and so makes a deep, persistent, and depressing sense of guilt inevitable. Here rests a body that really lived and really died *Hang out with depressing people. My life sucks and it always will, so let’s roll a blunt. *Maintain a false sense of self through identification with things. Look at my sweet ride. And listen to this sound system. Now I can annoyingly announce to everybody within a one mile radius that I have inadequacy issues. Boom Boom depression medication * Listen to as much depressing music as possible. Oh Oh my baby’s dead… *Think often about the past and regret it. If it wasn’t for that horse, I could have graduated college. *Always get really excited over nothing. I won a free ticket! Play Shirley Jackson’s Scratch Off Lottery *Always get really upset over nothing. My free ticket wasn’t a winner. *Always choose morbidity over humor. Miami Murder Law up next *Be very uptight and take everything personally and seriously. This cartoon is horrible. It should be taken off the air. *Be consistently thoughtless and selfish, or impatient and judgmental. Either attitude is bound to cause you problems. Bla Bla Bla Me Me Me Honk Honk Get the hell off the phone and drive you dumb bitch. treatments for depression *Get very attached and addicted to things. My boyfriend broke up with me, my dog died, my car broke down, and there is only decaf. *Enslave yourself to things; primarily by having lots of debt that only grows. Foreclosure notice credit counseling *Always compare yourself to other people. Steroids monthly Boob Job Quarterly breast augmentation Forbes 500 richest people *Always believe that it is something outside yourself and beyond the immediate moment that will bring you lasting happiness. After this, this, and that happens, then I’ll be happy. *Fill up your gas tank as often as possible.