(See Comic)How to be a Dirtbag (Dirtball) Drop out of school. Be attracted to sleaze. Get pregnant as young as possible. Be promiscuous enough so you are unsure who the father is. Aim to be a grandmother by age 30. Take up smoking and drink a lot. Start as young as possible. And don’t stop there. The more addictions the better. Have a criminal record. And have lots of criminal friends. They can help get you into trouble and keep your life crappy.Enunciate poorly. Have a large vocabulary of slang words. Have a very small vocabulary of real words. Be an angry person who’s quick to fight. Own weapons. And Always blame your problems on somebody else. Take advantage of welfare. STD’s are your friends. Think nothing of stealing. Be really loud and rude. Always act entitled, not thankful. Have lots of big, poorly behaved dogs. It will be a great pointless liability. And people will think you’re tough. Perhaps even run a dog fighting ring. Be a deadbeat dad. Drive a car that was nice and luxurious 20 years ago. And Pretend it still is. Make sure it is a car with minimal safety features. What’s Hygiene? Ruin your driving record. That way your car insurance will be too expensive to afford. Perhaps get your license revoked. Take advantage of credit card offers. Then run up huge credit card debt by buying frivolous junk. Don’t pay it off. That way you’ll be able to ruin your credit and have nothing to show for it. Have Aliases. For example: Kurt Poincon, Bret Starbig, Tod Roach, Ivan Gerkenhoff. Have a good dirtbag occupation. For example: Stripper, drug dealer, stolen goods trader, cop, scalper, Con-artist, bookie, illegitimate masseuse. Get tattoos. The more short-sighted and hard to hide with clothing the better. Preferably do this while very drunk. That way your decision will likely be extra insane. If you want a Chinese symbol, go with this one: It means a Chinese symbol for whore.

Bad Credit, Criminal Record